LIKE MOST KIDS BORN IN THE 90’S, I HAVE ALWAYS LOVED MOVIES AND TV. SOME OF MY EARLIEST MEMORIES WERE EXCITEDLY WAITING FOR MY DAD TO COME HOME WITH VHS’S FROM HOLLYWOOD VIDEO, AND SOME OF THE EARLIEST TIMES I GOT IN TROUBLE WERE WHEN I WOULD REENACT ACTION SCENES ON MY PRESCHOOL FRIENDS. BECAUSE OF THIS, A LOT OF MEDIA WAS “BANNED” IN OUR HOUSEHOLD. WHEN I WAS AROUND 11 YEARS OLD MY YOUNGER BROTHER AND I BEGAN TO MAKE SHORT FILMS WITH OUR FAMILY’S Hi8 CAMCORDER, AND AN INEVITABLE ROAD OF MY LIFE WAS CEMENTED.
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IN 2010 I LEFT BELLEVUE WASHINGTON TO ATTEND FILM SCHOOL AT LOYOLA MARYMOUNT UNIVERSITY IN LOS ANGELES. OUT OF ALL THE FILM SCHOOLS THAT I APPLIED TO, LMU WAS THE ONLY ONE THAT DID NOT REQUIRE YOU TO SUBMIT A VIDEO EXAMPLE IN YOUR APPLICATION, WHICH I THOUGHT WAS KINDA WEIRD BUT THEN FORGOT ONCE I GOT ACCEPTED. IT WAS AN OBVIOUS PREFERENCE TOWARDS ACADEMICS, WHICH AS I HAVE COME TO BELIEVE EXISTS IN DIRECT OPPOSITION TO ARTISTIC TALENT AND VISION. IF I HAD FULLY UNDERSTOOD THIS CLEAR DISTINCTION, I BELIEVE I MIGHT HAVE HAD A MORE THOUGHTFUL AND PURPOSEFUL EXPERIENCE THERE. REGARDLESS, I LOVED MY TIME AT LMU AND MORE THAN ANYTHING IT HAS SHAPED ME INTO THE PERSON THAT I AM TODAY.
IN 2010 I LEFT BELLEVUE WASHINGTON TO ATTEND FILM SCHOOL AT LOYOLA MARYMOUNT UNIVERSITY IN LOS ANGELES. OUT OF ALL THE FILM SCHOOLS THAT I APPLIED TO, LMU WAS THE ONLY ONE THAT DID NOT REQUIRE YOU TO SUBMIT A VIDEO EXAMPLE IN YOUR APPLICATION, WHICH I THOUGHT WAS KINDA WEIRD BUT THEN FORGOT ONCE I GOT ACCEPTED. IT WAS AN OBVIOUS PREFERENCE TOWARDS ACADEMICS, WHICH AS I HAVE COME TO BELIEVE EXISTS IN DIRECT OPPOSITION TO ARTISTIC TALENT AND VISION. IF I HAD FULLY UNDERSTOOD THIS CLEAR DISTINCTION, I BELIEVE I MIGHT HAVE HAD A MORE THOUGHTFUL AND PURPOSEFUL EXPERIENCE THERE. REGARDLESS, I LOVED MY TIME AT LMU AND MORE THAN ANYTHING IT HAS SHAPED ME INTO THE PERSON THAT I AM TODAY. I WORKED AS A FILM PROJECTIONIST FOR THE THEATER ON CAMPUS DURING ALL 4 YEARS OF COLLEGE, WHERE WE WOULD SCREEN THINGS FOR FILM THEORY AND GENRE CLASSES. IT WAS A SWEET JOB. YOU GOT TO PRESS COOL BUTTONS, SIT ON YOUR COMPUTER, AND WATCH MOVIES IN A DARK ROOM FOR 3 HOURS. HOWEVER, IT HAD AN INCREDIBLY HIGH EMBARRASSMENT FACTOR. IF YOU WEREN’T PAYING ATTENTION OR YOU FUCKED UP SWITCHING A FILM REEL, THE TEACHERS WOULD SCREAM UP AT YOU FROM THE THEATER YELLING “IS EVERYTHING OKAY UP THERE?!”, “COME ON GUYS!”, OR “JESUS CHRIST, NOT AGAIN”.
EVERYONE IN THE CLASS WOULD LAUGH, AND AFTERWARDS THE TEACHERS WOULD COME UP TO THE BOOTH AND LECTURE YOU TO ENSURE IT DIDN’T HAPPEN THE NEXT WEEK. BUT IT ALWAYS DID. I SAW A LOT OF GREAT THINGS IN THAT BOOTH AND HAD SOME OF MY MOST IMPACTFUL THOUGHTS ABOUT FILMMAKING AND LIFE IN GENERAL WHILE WORKING THERE.
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EVERYONE IN THE CLASS WOULD LAUGH, AND AFTERWARDS THE TEACHERS WOULD COME UP TO THE BOOTH AND LECTURE YOU TO ENSURE IT DIDN’T HAPPEN THE NEXT WEEK. BUT IT ALWAYS DID. I SAW A LOT OF GREAT THINGS IN THAT BOOTH AND HAD SOME OF MY MOST IMPACTFUL THOUGHTS ABOUT FILMMAKING AND LIFE IN GENERAL WHILE WORKING THERE.
THE VIDEOS BELOW ARE MY FILM SCHOOL THESIS PROJECTS. AT THE TIME THESE WERE MADE, I WAS 3+ YEARS DEEP INTO SCHOOL. LOOKING BACK, I RECOGNIZE THESE FILMS AS AN ATTEMPT AT REBELLION YET CLEARLY NOT HITTING THE MARK. THEY MAKE ME CRINGE. BUT I BELIEVE THEY SHOULD ALSO BE CONSIDERED IN THIS CATALOGUE OF WORK.
YOUR INNER MANHOOD (2013) WAS MY JUNIOR THESIS FILM. THE CONSTRAINT ON THE ASSIGNMENT WAS THAT IT HAD TO BE SHOT ON ACTUAL FILM AND THAT IT COULDN’T HAVE SYNC-SOUND. I HAD HEARD A LOT OF PEOPLE WERE SPENDING THOUSANDS OF DOLLARS TO SHOOT ON 35MM, ONLY FOR THINGS TO GET EXPOSED IN THE LOADING / FILM TRANSFER PROCESS. I DECIDED TO SHOOT ON 8MM BECAUSE IT WAS THE CHEAPEST AND EASIEST TO USE. NEVER THE LESS, THE FILM CAME BACK ALL FUCKED UP AND SHAKEY, SO FOR THE MOST PART I HAD TO ADJUST EACH SHOT FRAME BY FRAME TO STABILIZE THE FOOTAGE. MY CLASSMATES CLAIM TO HAVE LIKED THIS WHEN THEY SAW IT, AND THERE ARE PARTS THAT I ENJOY STILL TO THIS DAY.
A F T E R W O R D S (2014) WAS MY SENIOR THESIS FILM. THIS FILM IS PROBABLY THE HARDEST THING FOR ME TO WATCH OUT OF EVERYTHING I’VE EVER MADE. I REMEMBER AFTER I SCREENED IT, A CLASSMATE CAME UP TO TELL ME THAT THEY HAD WISHED I HAD MADE SOMETHING MORE LIKE YOUR INNER MANHOOD. WHEN THEY REALIZED THIS COMMENT MIGHT HAVE HURT MY FEELINGS, THEY APPARENTLY CHANGED THEIR MIND AND SAID “ACTUALLY, I CAN KINDA SEE THIS AS SORT OF A SPIRITUAL SEQUEL TO YOUR INNER MANHOOD. I LOVE IT!” IM NOT SURE THAT COMMENT HAD ANY TRUTH TO IT, BUT IN THE FOLLOWING YEARS I RE-EDITED THE FILM MORE TIMES THAN I CAN COUNT TO FIT THE CONCEPT THAT THIS CLASSMATE PLACED IN MY HEAD. WHAT YOU’LL SEE HERE IS NOT THE ORIGINAL FILM THAT THEY SAW, BUT A FRANKENSTIENED REBUILD OF WHAT I HAVE BEEN ABLE TO FIND ON OLD HARDDRIVES IN AN ATTEMPT TO MAKE SOMETHING SOMEWHAT COHERENT.